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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and charts below give information about doctors in Australia between 1986 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and charts below give information about doctors in Australia between 1986 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table and charts illustrate the
Use synonyms
Australia
Use the right word
Australian
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
’ information from 1986 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 was growing by
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 because of the increasing demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 occupation
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 most of them are male and
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
Linking Words
initially
Punctuation problem
initially,
show examples
 compared to the
contrast
Replace the word
contrasting
show examples
 trend
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. When it comes to the table chart, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 23.720 individuals in the first year of
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
surprisingly
Fix capitalization
Surprisingly
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, the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recorded
witnessed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a consistent increase
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 6000 employees every decade, 29,060 and 35,450 in 1996 and 2006, respectively. In terms of the bar charts, it is evident that the male
doctors
Use synonyms
 always occupied the majority
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, there was a gradual downturn in the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
doctors
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 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 throughout the period of 20 years
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 75% to 61%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, female
doctors
Use synonyms
 witnessed a consistent growth from 25% to 38%
via
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the whole period of
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
, but still had
two-third
Use the right word
two-thirds
show examples
 of the total
number
Use synonyms
 in comparison with
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. In 1986, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
reported
Verb problem
was
show examples
 more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the overseas ones by 62% and 38%, meanwhile, the
figure
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
doctors
Use synonyms
 were given birth in
Australia
Use synonyms
 recorded a slight downturn at 58% and the
number
Use synonyms
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 in
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 countries rose to 42% in 1996.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2006, these two fields experienced a period of
stabilization
Use the right word
stabilisation
show examples
 at the same figure of 50%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, number, doctors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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