IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period.
The chart illustrates
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of people who went
Ashdown
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 before and the year after it was refurbished.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the increase in the surveys of visitor satisfaction
with
Verb problem
is with
show examples
 very satisfied
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 of the
museum
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, there was
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in dissatisfied and satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
ashdown
Fix capitalization
Ashdown
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there was no change in no
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who went to
Use synonyms
Ashdown
Correct article usage
the Ashdown
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
. In the surveys, the
visitors
Use synonyms
 who are around 15% very satisfied increased to 35%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the 30% satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 increased after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40% and there was 5% of no response
visitors
Use synonyms
 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 of the
Ashdown
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
. There was seen decline in the dissatisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 from 40% before to 15% after.
Also
Linking Words
, there was satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
decline
Verb problem
apply
show examples
from 10% before to 5% after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 of the
Ashdown
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ashdown, museum, visitors, refurbishment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: