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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations that can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision. How can these be tackled

#children #access #internet #situations #face #supervision #be
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In today’s globalized world, a lot of children use the network without parental supervision to communicate with the external community.
This
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 trend has numerous drawbacks, which will be reviewed in
this
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 essay. The multitude of
this
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 issue includes various aspects
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 as health problems and the physiological side. In terms of health problems, generally, there is no doubt that the use of electronic devices has a great impact on the human body,
whereas
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 the studies motioned
this
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 which found that elongated use for long periods of either cell phones or iPads can lead to multiple diseases with obesity is on the top of them and cardiovascular diseases, myopia as result of electromagnetic waves,
furthermore
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, certain compilations in relation to hand and neck and back muscles and joints as herniation of neck and back discs that result in limitation of movement, muscle and nerves weakness too. Using the internet without a supervisor can
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 have a negative impact on the physiological point of children
due to
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 the ultimate
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 which may be harmful to them. Meanwhile, personal character is potentially changed as a sequel of abusive
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.
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, the kid seems to be isolated from the surrounding environment and is less active which increases the chance of depression
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 increased anxiety levels. The individual attitude
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 affects when the little girl or body becomes more nervous and distracted. The limitation of usage of networks by younger people is a duty of parents that must be done.
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, mothers and fathers must educate their children about the dark side of watching unsuitable social media
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 and promote the concept of self-monitoring.
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, observe the type of
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 and guide them to straighten their habits.
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, uncountable
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 of social websites nowadays offers all patterns of material that are difficult to filter.
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 requires close supervision from the kid’s family to reduce the possible effect on their health, mental condition and personalities
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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your points more clearly to improve logical structure. Consider using clear topic sentences to define the main idea of each paragraph and ensure all points fall under it. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your ideas could be made clearer with more specific examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing. For instance, you could mention specific types of harmful online content or strategies parents might use.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion that frames your response well, setting the context and summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
You have made a complete response to the task, identifying key problems related to unsupervised internet use and suggesting measures to tackle them.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted both physical and mental health concerns, providing a comprehensive view of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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