IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era,
music
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 plays an imperative role in stressful life. Some people think that
music
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 has been used as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 means to fulfil their need for relaxation and enjoyment. I agree with the above notion. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss a few perspectives in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, two main reasons have been observed that
music
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 is a significant part in making individuals relax, happy and gives an invitation to peace.
For instance
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, sounds of rain, ocean waves or rustling of leaves can be highly soothing and create a peaceful environment conducive to relaxation.
Consequently
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,
music
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 not only overcomes stress but
also
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 helps to enjoy the beauty of nature.
Moreover
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,
music
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 has a large contribution to the education process, as it enhances the memory skills of pupils
as well as
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 develops reasoning and logical skills at a fast pace.
However
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, folks do not have adequate time to learn to play musical instruments ,
while
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 listening to it can make their life easier and comfortable. Despite
this
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, the public who listens to loud
music
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 may suffer from hearing impairment. Since loud
music
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 can damage the delicate hair cells in the inner ear, which are responsible for transmitting sound to the brain.
As a result
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, they will lose the ability to hear permanently. To recapitulate, as every coin has two phases, simultaneously, if people listen to
music
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 loudly,
music
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 may cause hearing loss, but I fortify that melody helps to create a peaceful shield in an anxiety-ridden world ,
as well as
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 a person's
overall
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 development.

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Task Achievement
The introduction should include a clear thesis statement that summarizes your main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph develops one main idea clearly to improve flow and understanding.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support each point more effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay touches on the important role of music in relaxation, which is relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You included a conclusion that summarizes your ideas, which is important for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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