IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 stated that, in the future, the normal level of
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 will be lower than today's criteria. I do agree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 since there are lots of factors,
such
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 as worse awareness of
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 fit and
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 growing number of ultra-processed
food
Use synonyms
 which has no balanced
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
. In today's era of easy-to-access facilities to
do
Verb problem
meet
show examples
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
daily life needs,
people
Use synonyms
 might prefer to stay on their bed
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 physically move to do something, like buying groceries.
This
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trending
Replace the word
trend
show examples
,
however
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, leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 since they are not aware
to practice
Change preposition
of practising
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the possibility of getting obese is higher.
For example
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, in India, 80% of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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over
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country have to suffer from obesity because they are not attentive to their
body
Use synonyms
 signals when requiring physical movement and love to do things instantly.
Therefore
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, the immunity standard of community
health
Use synonyms
 level will be automatically lower
due to
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 easier and quicker features that are available for all daily activities year over year.
Food
Use synonyms
, nowadays, is a big concern and
becoming
Verb problem
is becoming
show examples
 the most likely factor of diseases among patients in clinics or hospitals all over the world. Based on statistics, the most
harming
Correct word choice
harmful
show examples
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 is ultra-processed
food
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 (UPF)
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
natrium
Correct your spelling
sodium
 chips and instant
noodle
Fix the agreement mistake
noodles
show examples
. Scientists argue that UPF is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a dangerous
food
Use synonyms
 and
contains
Verb problem
does
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no
Rephrase
not
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enough
Verb problem
contain enough
show examples
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
, so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 government should restrict
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 distribution because its
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
body
Check wording
body's
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 immunity is incredibly
harming
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
. Just
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals can understand about UPF and how it works on our
body
Use synonyms
.
This
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 causes a weaker standard of
people
Use synonyms
's
body
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health
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it could be
worst
Correct word choice
worse
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 in the upcoming years.
To sum up
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,
standard
Correct article usage
the standard
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 of
health
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 now seems so low , and the awareness of keeping
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 healthy is considered hard to strengthen. The major factors of
this
Linking Words
 come from the advancement of online features that
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more instant, and the availability of
unbalanced
Correct word choice
unhealthy
show examples
 substances
food
Use synonyms
 which
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to consume.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good. However, try to include a brief outline of the reasons you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words such as 'firstly', 'in addition', and 'finally' to make your essay flow better and connect your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples that relate closely to your points. While you mentioned India and ultra-processed foods, adding more examples would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed your agreement with the statement, which is important for task response.
task achievement
You included relevant issues about modern lifestyle and food choices that impact health, which shows your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
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