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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

It is undeniable that in many cultures,
children
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 are advised that diligence is the key to success.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and possible drawbacks. First and foremost, it can foster ambition and hard work in the
children
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's minds.
This
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 can help
children
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 to make progress and be willing to try harder so as to achieve their dreams.
Secondly
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, it can boost the confidence of
kids
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. When they achieve considerable success, they will become more confident and overcome public fear.
This
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 will make them dynamic in their lives and gain experience, which is invaluable throughout their future.
Last
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 but not least,
such
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achievement
Correct article usage
an achievement
show examples
 will make them more resilient. By constantly working hard to be better, they will keep going and maintain their pace. Ultimately,
children
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 will choose to give up.
Therefore
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, their life will always become successful no matter what.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 lead to many major drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, not every trial and failure reaps the desired result. Sometimes, much as they try, some
kids
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 still never become better in life as they repeatedly fail to achieve something, which may discourage them from hard work and diligence altogether. Another thing is that not all
kids
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 are the same; some have natural talents or are perfectionists
at
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in
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 a different subject, so it is impossible for
kids
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 to try harder in other majors. There are some cases in which
kids
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 must pursue their talent rather than
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 diligently on other
stuff
Check wording
things
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. In conclusion, it is obvious that
kids
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 must try harder at what they are told;
however
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, not all the time is it
always
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apply
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like that. There are many situations in which parents should
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 their
kids
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’ strong points rather than force their
kids
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 to overwork without productivity.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly introduce your main points in your introduction.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes the main ideas discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which is good for structure.
task achievement
You raised valid points about both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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