IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the parents of children who commit crimes should also receive a punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the rise in
juveilne
Correct your spelling
juvenile
 delinquency has raised concerns about
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 responsibility.
While
Linking Words
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
 people argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be punished for the actions of their
children
Use synonyms
, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Holding
parents
Use synonyms
 responsible for their
children
Use synonyms
's actions not only undermines individual accountability but
also
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to unjust consequences.
To begin
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 with, the reasons for
juveiline
Correct your spelling
juvenile
 crimes
stems
Correct subject-verb agreement
stem
show examples
 from several other external factors,
such
Linking Words
 as social media, drug addiction and consuming
volient
Correct your spelling
violent
 content
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
,
punsihing guradians
Correct your spelling
punishing guardians
 may not prevent
this
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 happening again.
Although
Linking Words
 the age of 17
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 years
old
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apply
show examples
may
consider
Wrong verb form
be considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
immmature
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immature
, at
this
Linking Words
 stage they already possess
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the ability to
distingush
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distinguish
from right
Correct word order
right from
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
wrong. In
this
Linking Words
 sense ,
punsihing
Correct your spelling
punishing
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 for committing
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 is
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 practice to decrease the crime rate
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 criminals.
In addition
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,
punsihing
Correct your spelling
punishing
parents
Use synonyms
 may lead to serious unintended consequences. Many
parents
Use synonyms
 already struggle to raise a child in
challenging
Correct article usage
a challenging
show examples
 environment marked by
poverity
Correct your spelling
poverty
, peer pressure and exposure to negative influences online through social media. Adding
such
Linking Words
 a new punishment may not only
demoralize
Use the right word
demoralise
show examples
 them but
also
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 lead to
finanicial
Correct your spelling
financial
 and emotional stress to vulnerable families.
Instead
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 of punishments, support systems ,
such
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 as
counseling
Use the right word
counselling
show examples
, education
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 community engagement should be
prioritize
Verb problem
prioritised
show examples
 to guide both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in shaping
children
Use synonyms
's
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
, holding
accountable
Check wording
parents accountable
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
's actions is not
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 appropriate practice. In my opinion, governments and
law makers
Use the right word
lawmakers
show examples
 should
more
Verb problem
place more
show examples
 emphasis on preventing
such
Linking Words
 crimes rather than punishing.

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear introduction that clearly states your opinion. Also, clarify your main points within the paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your essay by using linking words like 'however,' 'on the other hand,' and 'for example' to connect ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Review your spelling carefully. There are some misspelled words, such as 'juvenile,' 'violent,' 'punishing,' and 'poverty,' which may confuse the reader.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion against punishing parents, which is a good starting point for your essay.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant points about social factors that can affect children's behavior, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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