IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crime in society. To what etent do you agree or disagree with this issue.

In the
last
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 century, producing criminal movies and films have increased in a immense rate, and with that so many
people
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 start to involve themselves in, because they have been influenced by these works, so some analytics starting to suggest about limiting the size of violence in these movies, and i agree with that because some individuals will be taken by their feelings and commit a
crime
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,
also
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 even if it will not let them commit it, they will starting to see it as a normal thing to happend. One of the main reasons to be entangled in a
crime
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, is to commit an action based on a fantasy character,so what happendis basically the person who watched the character will be taken by his hormons and Feeling and commit a
crime
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, and
that is
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 a common thing specially in teenagers violence,
for example
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, one of the most watched show is breaking bad which is focus mainly on drugs dealer and that cause a high rapid in crimes by teenagers. There
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also
Verb problem
is also
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 another impact
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 when someone
watching
Wrong verb form
watches
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 so many
shooting
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
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, stealing, killing,
..
Punctuation problem
apply
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etc, and
as a result
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, they start to
normalize
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normalise
show examples
 it, and that will
effect
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affect
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 the safety of
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people
Check wording
people's
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 mental
, and
Check wording
safety, and
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 one of the consequences
for
Change preposition
of
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 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is when
people
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starting to
Wrong verb form
start
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 making jokes about different types of crimes.
For
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should double
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 effort on limiting violence by imposing restrictions, because it has affected so many
people
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 by
let
Wrong verb form
letting
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 them be taken by their feelings and
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a
crime
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,or
to let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
 them adapt and
normalize
Use the right word
normalise
show examples
 watching crimes.

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task achievement
Develop your introduction and conclusion more clearly to outline your main argument. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement that states your opinion about the issue.
coherence cohesion
Structure your paragraphs clearly. Start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences. This will help with the flow of ideas and make it easier for readers to follow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, explain how watching 'Breaking Bad' has directly influenced real-life behavior, and provide statistics if possible.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure to avoid confusion. Make sure to proofread your text for spelling and grammatical errors that can distract the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, which is a good start.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant real-world examples to support your argument, which helps strengthen your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • violent content
  • government regulation
  • vulnerable audiences
  • desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • censorship
  • social unrest
  • rating systems
  • responsible consumption
  • media influence
What to do next:
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