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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below give information about the amount of beer and fruit juice consumed per person per year in different countries.

The table below give information about the amount of beer and fruit juice consumed per person per year in different countries.
The key data specified in the table gives the proportion of
both
Use synonyms
beer
Use synonyms
 and fruit
juice
Use synonyms
 consumption for each person in
one-year
Correct article usage
a one-year
show examples
 period in a diversity of places in the world. At first glance, it is evident that there are ten separate countries which has been divided with a downtrend from the first to the
last
Linking Words
 one. Regarding
both
Use synonyms
beer
Use synonyms
 and
juice
Use synonyms
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Canada had the highest portion with around 52.6
litres
Use synonyms
 in
juice
Use synonyms
 consumption,
while
Linking Words
 Ireland obtained
this
Linking Words
 stage for
beer
Use synonyms
exactly
Punctuation problem
, exactly
show examples
 with 155
litres
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, for
beer
Use synonyms
,
both
Use synonyms
 Belgium and Denmark had obtained the same figure, with 98
litres
Use synonyms
. As a major point, Finland had obtained the least amount of
beer
Use synonyms
 drinking with 79
litres
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it was only 33
litres
Use synonyms
 for
juice
Use synonyms
. Turning to other countries, as can be seen, Germany obtained the second level of
beer
Use synonyms
 consumption with 119
litres
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
juice
Use synonyms
 has lower popularity , which is about 38.6
litres
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
it is obvious that,
however
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 the UK and the USA had obtained 97-85
litres
Use synonyms
 for
beer
Use synonyms
, and for
juice
Use synonyms
 can mention that can be converted to the USA and the UK from 42.8-29.3
litres
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, beer, juice, litres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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