IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Healthcare costs are on the rise, challenging governments to balance their budgets. Should citizens be aaccountable for health through private insurance ., or should governments provide free health care? Disuss bioth views and give your opinin.

There is an ongoing debate regarding the cost of healthcare is escalating at an alarming rate which creating issues for ruling bodies managing their budgets. A group of
individuals
Use synonyms
 believes that private insurance is the greatest step to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
However
Linking Words
, others claim that the
governments
Use synonyms
 should take care of the health of
individuals
Use synonyms
 by giving free treatments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, ahead of my opinion, both views will be discussed
further
Linking Words
. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument supporters would put forward is that private insurance offers choice and potentially higher-quality care for those who can afford it.
For instance
Linking Words
, insured
individuals
Use synonyms
 can easily get prompt access to surgery,
while
Linking Words
 a person generally waits a long time for it.
In addition
Linking Words
, countries cannot afford certain expenses, as the
governments
Use synonyms
 have other responsibilities,
such
Linking Words
 as national security and providing education.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who can afford private insurance should do so at their own expense.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
governments
Use synonyms
 should provide free services to those with low incomes, as they do not have enough money for treatments or drugs.
For example
Linking Words
, a report from the World Health Organisation has shown that 50% of underprivileged patients receive proper medical treatments
due to
Linking Words
 the government funds.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
governments
Use synonyms
 not only save poor people's lives but
also
Linking Words
 improve the nation's reputation. In conclusion, it can be stated that every coin has two sides; simultaneously, those who can pay for health coverage should take responsibility for insuring their own lives.
However
Linking Words
, a country's leaders should help needy persons for the betterment of citizens' well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion at the beginning and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to help the flow of your ideas, such as 'Firstly', 'However', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion'.
task achievement
You provided both views on the topic clearly, and you offered examples that support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: