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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that money is the best gift to give teenagers, while others disagree. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving money as a gift? What is your opinion?

A number of people consider monetary gifts as the most desired by youngsters,
while
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 others support the opposite opinion.
While
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 giving money as an award may offer some benefits to teenagers,
such
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 as financial independence, there are still some downsides, in terms of wrong purchase decisions. Personally, I am inclined to believe that
,
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 youth should be given the opportunity to decide solely on what they wish to spend their financial resources. On the one hand, the core drawback refers to the useless items being bought
due to
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 efficient cash management.
This
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 phenomenon is caused by the lack of experience in budgeting, since children are not involved in the financing of family needs.
Thus
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, they can make inefficient decisions on allocating their funds.
For example
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,
according to
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 research conducted by McKinsey in 2013, nearly 70% of the young individuals in the United Kingdom are likely to spend their capital on video games, and only up to 30% made an efficient allocation of their funds. So, the advocates state that
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 things other than money are likely to be meaningful as a present.
On the other hand
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, some significant benefits are offered by the act of gifting cash.
Firstly
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,
while
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 having their own finance, youngsters are gaining skills about financial management from their early childhood.
Therefore
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, they tend to have sufficient experience by the time they become mature.
Although
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 they may fail to purchase useful items at
first,
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they will undoubtedly improve these skills gradually.
Moreover
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, granting the freedom of choice to youth will lead to increased confidence, which is pivotal for shaping their personality. In conclusion,
while
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 the idea that the young population should be given cash,
instead
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 of any other gift, has several positive sides, it is worth noting that it has some negative points as well. In my opinion, minors need to have a certain level of independence in terms of their finances, so a monetary grant is the best option.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well. You present both sides and provide your opinion clearly. However, make sure to elaborate more on your ideas for a stronger response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure. Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your points. This will make your argument stronger and help readers understand your perspective better.
content
You present a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of giving money as a gift.
structure
Your conclusion clearly restates your opinion, which helps to reinforce your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • budget
  • save
  • informed spending decisions
  • personal preferences
  • practical and efficient
  • unwanted or inappropriate gifts
  • impersonal
  • emotional value
  • thoughtfulness
  • personal consideration
  • wise financial decisions
  • frivolously
  • lasting memories and experiences
  • educational courses
  • hobby-related equipment
  • long-lasting positive impact
  • fostering interests and skills
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