IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. 250 words

Undoubtedly, the prohibition of hazardous
sports
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 has sparked intense controversy, with a considerable segment of society advocating for restrictions on these perilous activities. I wholeheartedly support
this
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 viewpoint, and the following discussion will explain the compelling reasons why
such
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 a ban is needed. Foremost among these reasons is the undeniable threat to participants’ physical well-being. Extreme
sports
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 inherently involve strenuous physical exertion under precarious and often unpredictable conditions, exposing players to an inappropriate risk of injury or death. Many participants engage in these activities purely for recreation, often without sufficient professional training or adequate safety precautions, thereby magnifying the potential for catastrophic outcomes.
Additionally
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, the adrenaline surge triggered by these
sports
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 can impose severe cardiovascular strain, particularly on younger or medically vulnerable individuals, increasing the likelihood of fatal incidents. The unpredictable nature of the environments,
furthermore
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, in which these
sports
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 take
place
Punctuation problem
place,
show examples
 compounds the dangers involved. Factors
such
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 as sudden weather changes, unstable terrain, and altitude-related issues like hypoxia dramatically increase the risk of accidents. Beyond physical injuries, the psychological consequences can be profound; exposure to life-threatening situations often precipitates long-lasting mental health issues
such
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 as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and anxiety.
For example
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, numerous reports, including those from reputable outlets like the BBC, have documented accidents caused by equipment malfunction or insufficient safety protocols, which tragically underscore the precariousness of these pursuits. In conclusion, the imposition of a blanket ban on dangerous
sports
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 is not only justifiable but essential, given the alarming rate of fatalities and severe injuries associated with
such
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 activities. Safeguarding human life must invariably take precedence over the pursuit of adrenaline-fueled entertainment.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a clearer structure by using more topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Consider using simpler sentences to make your ideas even clearer.
task achievement
You provide strong reasons for your opinion on why dangerous sports should be banned.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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