IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

In a large number of countries,
people
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 are living longer than in the past. Some
people
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 think that older
people
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 bring serious problems for governments,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the more elderly
people
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 there are in society, the more benefits we can gain.
Although
Linking Words
 elderly
people
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 need a lot of
care
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 and attention, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because they are wise, and they can teach us a lot about life. An increase in the number of older
people
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 means more
care
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 is needed for them. Since
people
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 are now very busy with their work, it is hard to take
care
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 of others
while
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 they barely take
care
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 of themselves. A recent study in the UK shows that many employees resort to sending elderly
people
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 to nursing homes because they do not have much time to take
care
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 of them. Elderly
people
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 are so beneficial because of their wisdom. They are very kind and try to help others by doing useful things for them.
Furthermore
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, they teach
people
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 many different lessons about life. Whether you are an adult or a child, you will definitely gain some benefits. As an illustration, in some countries, governments invite older
people
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 in order to let them give some lessons about life to teenagers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 elderly
people
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 need much
care
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 and nursing homes should be provided by governments, I strongly believe that older
people
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 have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on society because of their wisdom and the lessons that they give to both adults and children.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, especially about the benefits of elderly people.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly leads to the next for better flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Add a small summary of your main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You express a clear opinion on the topic and maintain it throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas about the wisdom of elderly people are well-developed.
coherence and cohesion
You have used a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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