IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the parents of children who commit crime should also receive a punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

It
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 that some people agree on the fact that they should receive some kind of punishment if
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 kids commit a crime
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 I think it
depands
Correct your spelling
depends
 on the crime they
did
Verb problem
committed
show examples
also
Linking Words
 , the age
profail
Correct your spelling
profile
 of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 child.
For
Linking Words
Add a comma
example,
show examples
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if it
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 a
17 years
Correct your spelling
17-year-old
 boy or girl soon to be 18 , and he
had
Add the particle
had to
show examples
kill
Wrong verb form
killed
show examples
 some one in my
Correct your spelling
opinion
opinon
Punctuation problem
opinon,
show examples
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think he must get
punisht
Correct your spelling
punished
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the people in
charged
Replace the word
charge
show examples
 should look into his or her mom and dad and the way they live in
Replace the word
their
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 home .
More over
Use the right word
Moreover
show examples
, if
every thing
Use the right word
everything
show examples
turnd
Correct your spelling
turned
 out to be just
fine
Punctuation problem
fine,
show examples
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 should not be in
charged
Replace the word
charge
show examples
 about the act of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 teenager .
How
Use the right word
However
show examples
ever
Punctuation problem
ever,
show examples
 if the father or the mother was past
crimenals
Correct your spelling
criminals
 in a
serios
Correct your spelling
serious
 matter like
murder
Punctuation problem
murder,
show examples
 the police should look more into it .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 if the kid was
yonger
Correct your spelling
younger
 than
15
Punctuation problem
15,
show examples
 they should
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 no
sceound
Correct your spelling
second
thought
Punctuation problem
thought,
show examples
 take the
parents
Use synonyms
 under
viewing
Replace the word
view
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Finally
Fineally
Punctuation problem
Fineally,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 can say that there might be some other causes
duo
Use the right word
due
show examples
 to
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
act
Replace the word
actions
show examples
 that came from another place
Punctuation problem
, nt
show examples
nt
Correct your spelling
not
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 home
nor
Punctuation problem
, nor
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 are behind them. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that the
parents
Use synonyms
 have a big role in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
kids
Check wording
kids'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 that doesn't mean that they are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 to blame all the time. Only if the kid was a real child
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 in fact a teen who
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to take advantage of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 age .

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and connect your ideas better. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
task response
Try to provide clearer reasons and more specific examples to support your points, and ensure they are directly related to your argument.
language use
Pay attention to grammar and spelling; correct sentences and words will make your essay stronger.
task achievement
You have shown an understanding of the problem and provided your opinion, which is an important part of the essay.
task achievement
Your points about age and parental influence show depth in your thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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