IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that best way to produce happier society is to insure that there are only small difference between the richest and poorest members. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, a considerable
difference
Use synonyms
 can be seen between the
pooriest
Correct your spelling
poorest
 and richest
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
show examples
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
, elimination
Correct word choice
that, elimination
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 division is really mandatory. So,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with the statement,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think the issue of
Use synonyms
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 division can be
done
Verb problem
addressed
show examples
 by providing some basic help to poor
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 of every nation work a lot for the
society
Use synonyms
, still some countries in Africa and Asia face the problem of having
difficulity
Correct your spelling
difficulty
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 fundamental
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
.
such
Linking Words
 as good
food
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
. To make it
more clear
Correct word choice
clearer
show examples
, there is
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
difference
Use synonyms
 between the
quality
Use synonyms
 of poor and wealthier
people
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
, because of the price
difference
Use synonyms
, poor
people
Use synonyms
 with
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 budget always prefer to buy
cheapest
Correct article usage
the cheapest
show examples
 and
low
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
wealthiest
Correct article usage
the wealthiest
show examples
 individuals can easily access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high
Use the right word
high-quality
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 authority should bring good
quality
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the market at
affordable
Correct article usage
an affordable
show examples
 price, so that poor
people
Use synonyms
 can easily
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
 it
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 rich
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is mandatory to get rid of
this
Linking Words
 class division in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 providing
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 level of
education
Use synonyms
 to the students. To explain it, there is a major
difference
Use synonyms
 between the
education
Use synonyms
 of poor and rich
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, children from
weahty
Correct your spelling
wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to private or
elementry
Correct your spelling
elementary
 school, where they get
Use synonyms
quality
Correct article usage
a quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and other
life changing
Use the right word
life-changing
show examples
 activities.
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
, some poor children
even cannot
Correct word order
cannot even
show examples
 afford basic
education
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should build schools in each and every area of
society
Use synonyms
, hire skilled tutors, and provide all the important needs like study material,
eletricity
Correct your spelling
electricity
, water and sitting
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 free of cost.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, medical aid is literally
need
Replace the word
needed
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 every single individual in the
society
Use synonyms
, and
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 is unpredictable
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 when they might fall ill.
Punctuation problem
. Therefore
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 personally do not want that because
Punctuation problem
, of
show examples
of
Change preposition
due to
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
budget
Punctuation problem
budget,
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
 could not get treatment done on time and
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. So,
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 council must provide
medical
Correct article usage
a medical
show examples
 facility without any charge in every area.
Linking Words
consequently
Fix capitalization
Consequently
show examples
, poor
people
Use synonyms
 would
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to have medication on time, and would not have any regret and feelings of poverty. In conclusion,
happier
Correct article usage
a happier
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 can be
organise
Wrong verb form
organised
show examples
 by removing the
Use synonyms
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the poor and rich
people
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be done through providing
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 level of
food
Use synonyms
 , medical, and
education
Use synonyms
 facilities.

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task
Plan your writing. State your view at the start. Then give 2 or 3 points with proof.
structure
Use a clear plan for each paragraph. Intro, middle, end.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like also, and, but, so.
grammar
Check for misspelt words and fix cap I every time.
examples
Give one simple example for each main point.
task response
You show a clear view that the rich and the poor should be alike.
coherence
You use some good ideas to back your point in each part.
content
Your tone is strong and you stay on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic equality
  • wealth disparity
  • redistributive policies
  • income inequality
  • government intervention
  • societal well-being
  • historical examples
  • economic diversity
  • innovation and growth
  • overall happiness
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