IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, tourists and scientists are allowed to travel to remote natural environments. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answers and include example from your own experience?

It is true that these days, scientists and tourists are allowed to reach remote natural
environments
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why the benefits of
this
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 trend overshadow its drawbacks. On the one hand,
this
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 phenomenon has its negative sides.
Firstly
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,
while
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 studying new areas, scientists might negatively affect local
environments
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. Without appropriate rules and restrictions, they will destroy multiple habitats
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 might be fatal for the species living there.
In addition
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, organising infrastructural facilities for tourists will cause multiple issues for local citizens.
For instance
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, building new roads, hotels will lead to air pollution and might have
invasive
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an invasive
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 character.
As a result
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, many places
such
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 as beaches, parks and gardens, which used to be open to the public, will be privatised.
Therefore
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, all these factors will deteriorate people's lives there.
However
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, with a proper regulation, the advantages of
this
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thend
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tend
outweigh
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to outweigh
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 its disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, research made in these natural
environments
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 might be extremely important. Quite often,
such
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 places are populated by new species which have never been seen before. To illustrate, the recent exploration of the Great Barrier Reef in Australia has discovered a few new species of corals, which
have
Verb problem
are
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 a great importance for the local fauna.
Furthermore
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, under a strict control of the authorities, which will protect environment, tourism can boost the local economies significantly. By creating new workplaces and employing indigenous inhabitants,
tourist
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the tourist
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 industry will
enladge
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the budget and help the area thrive. In conclusion, I take the view that the benefits of the fact that remote natural
environments
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 are open to tourists and scientists outweigh
its
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their
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 drawbacks when the activity these people are
under
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undertaking is under
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a
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apply
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strict control.

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task response
Task response needs a clear stance and a personal example. The essay argues for benefits but misses a strong link to your own experience. Include a specific personal example and state your position in the intro.
coherence
Coherence could be better with clearer linking phrases and shorter sentences. Break long sentences, and use simple connectors (and, but, so, however) to guide the reader.
structure
The essay shows a clear structure with an intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
Both sides are shown, and a main claim is given.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • risk
  • impact
  • nature
  • wildlife
  • environment
  • place
  • rule
  • permit
  • limit
  • protect
  • harm
  • care
  • learn
  • study
  • data
  • plan
  • guide
  • local
  • people
  • travel
  • visit
  • path
  • keep
  • clean
  • respect
  • crowd
  • economy
  • field
  • science
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