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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 line chart
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technological appliances owned by different US
families
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it's evident that the
families
Use synonyms
 in the states are owning more electric application regardless the type of technology over the 5 years period. In 1995, the most popular appliances is washing machine, with about 60 percent of U.S households having it, followed by 40 percent for computer. These are far higher than DVD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, which approximately 25%, 19% and 10% of
families
Use synonyms
 in the
states
Use the right word
United States
show examples
 own
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Over the 5 years, the
propotion
Use synonyms
 of family having technology are rasing in all type,
while
Linking Words
 in different speed. The
propotion
Use synonyms
 of familes with phone increased repidly from around 20% in 1996 to around 45% in 1998, subpassing the ratio of having computer, reached a high of about 75% in 1999. Simliarly, the number of households with internet
also
Linking Words
 grew from the low of 10% in 1995 to 50% in 1999, exceed the ratio of
families
Use synonyms
 owning DVD player. Meanwhile, the
propotion
Use synonyms
 of
families
Use synonyms
 with
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of technologies
also
Linking Words
 keep on increasing in
stable
Change the article
a stable
show examples
 way.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words propotion, families with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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