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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Obesity has been found to be a serious health hazard over the world, over the past few decades. What are the causes behind it? What steps can be taken to slow down this trend?

Over the past few years,
obesity
Use synonyms
 has been a serious risk that affects
people
Use synonyms
 all over the world. The primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the lifestyle of
people
Use synonyms
 today, especially in wealthy countries, and the most viable solution is a public campaign warning
people
Use synonyms
 about the
dangers
Use synonyms
 of
obesity
Use synonyms
. One reason for
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 is how
people
Use synonyms
 are living their lives. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
's culture involves spending their leisure time using social media applications, but
this
Linking Words
 prevents them from doing outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports or walking. So,
this
Linking Words
 leads to serious health concerns like
obesity
Use synonyms
 in the long term.
Moreover
Linking Words
, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 have an unhealthy diet and eat at fast-food restaurant chains, resulting in increased weight.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the WHO revealed that the main cause of
obesity
Use synonyms
 today is the huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 having unhealthy habits, like eating and not exercising sufficiently. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in schools and on social media to educate individuals about the risks of
obesity
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 need health experts to assist them in following the correct path to lose weight. An awareness campaign could shed some light on helping individuals reach their weight goals
while
Linking Words
 warning
people
Use synonyms
 about the
dangers
Use synonyms
 that
obesity
Use synonyms
 might cause, like the difficulties of walking and sitting properly.
For instance
Linking Words
, a similar situation happened in Japan when schools educated children about the
dangers
Use synonyms
 of smoking and resulting in a 52% reduction in children smoking in their country
To conclude
Linking Words
, the habits of
people
Use synonyms
 in their lives are a major issue that leads to a growth in
obesity
Use synonyms
 rates;
however
Linking Words
, it can be solved through warning children and adults about the
dangers
Use synonyms
.

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development
Add more on steps to slow obesity. Give 3-4 clear actions, with small details for how to do them.
content
Make ideas stronger by adding more facts or data, and keep focus on causes and fix.
examples
Use one good example that fits the topic and explain it simply. If you use a study, say who did it and what was found.
coherence
Link ideas with clear words and keep a steady order: intro, body, body, conclusion.
language
Check grammar: small mistakes with subject-verb and tense; keep sentences short and clear.
content
Clear idea that lifestyle brings obesity.
structure
Easy to read and many link words.
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