Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a [huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

In
this
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advanced era, the telecommunication process has grown unbreakably.
Due to
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this
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, the utilisation of these electronic applications is preferred by many families.
Moreover
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,
this
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notion narrates the same thing that people spend most of their time on these apps. As it has a negative impact on our nation. Moving forward with the point , which indicates its drawback. The detrimental reason is that folks are becoming lethargic and go through severe health-related diseases
such
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as full body aches, low eyesight, migraine and many more.
For instance
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: in 2019, when I was in India. There was a girl who used to play games and operate newly invented apps
such
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as Twitter and Facebook. She had been spending 7 to 8 hours on the phone.
As a result
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, her health is now very critical. She can barely see the inhabitants around her, even though her full body has been paralysed.
Furthermore
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, scholars first demand that their parents buy a telephone, because they want to do their educational projects.
However
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, as far as they understand their features and websites. They start using it for their entertainment. After some time, it totally diverts their mind from studying and getting superior grades.
For Instance
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: in Canada, pupils who use these devices for the sake of their own enjoyment are forcing other students to stop concentrating on their exams. Even, they insist on watching nude videos. which directly has a negative point for society.
To sum up
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, we know that these technologies have changed our lives, but some are using them in excess.
Thus
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, they should reduce their time to use mobile phones;
otherwise
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, it can become a curse for them
instead
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of giving them results in a good way.

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task response
Start with a clear view in the first sentence and keep this view in every part of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and begin with a topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use simple words to link ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so' to show flow.
evidence
Give real, clear examples that fit the point and are easy to see.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to make your meaning clear.
content
The topic is relevant and you show a common issue with phone use.
structure
Some parts are easy to read and the idea is plain to see.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • impact
  • negative
  • individuals
  • society
  • loneliness
  • anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • cyberbullying
  • emotional harm
  • mental health
  • information
  • misunderstandings
  • trust
  • connection
  • privacy
  • personal data
  • misuse
  • communication
  • interactions
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