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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the past, the main role of teachers was providing information. Today with various sources of information available to students, teachers have no role in modern education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
information
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 can be accumulated in amount of ways,especially for today’s students,they access
information
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 more easily than before,
therefore
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,some people think the
role
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 of the teacher is not as essential as it used to be in modern life. In my opinion,I particularly disagree with
this
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 concept.
First,
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contemporary teachers can prevent juvenile delinquency through education. Nowadays, most of the
information
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 is circulated on the Internet without filtering. Young men may see various violent things and imitate them because they are unable to distinguish right from wrong and are curious, which may lead to serious violent incidents.
Therefore
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,teachers can use their own
knowledge
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 and life experience to teach teenagers that some videos are wrong and cannot be imitated.
In addition
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,
this
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 allows pupils to understand what they cannot do, thereby preventing children from committing crimes because they are unable to judge right from wrong after reading some negative
information
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.
On the other hand
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, I think professors in modern society can help college students understand more relevant
knowledge
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 materials.
For example
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, facing all kinds of books, it is very difficult for us to find matching academic materials.
However
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, here professors can help us judge which materials to read. In
this
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 way,help us and add useful resources so that we have the opportunity to read useful
knowledge
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 and save a lot of time. So in university education, professor guidance plays a big
role
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.
Overall
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, pedagogical experts in today's society are not only who tell us
knowledge
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, but
also
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 who teach us how to judge right from wrong and how to clarify academic awareness. So I think it is wrong that instructors are not important in contemporary society. After the above analysis, I think staff still play an essential
role
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 in our life teaching and academic teaching, so I do not agree that pedagogues no longer play a
role
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coherence cohesion
Consider using clearer punctuation. There are many run-on sentences and gaps in spacing. Proper punctuation can enhance readability.
task achievement
Try to add more specific and diverse examples to back up your main points. This will make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
You successfully addressed the prompt and provided relevant arguments against the notion that teachers have no role in modern education.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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