IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

In our contemporary world, people would rather purchase their needs from shopping malls, which accommodate a variety of merchandise at a fair price.
This
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 phenomenon has caused some local shops to close their businesses since they cannot compete with the large strip malls. The positive and negative effects of
this
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 evolution are going to be discussed comprehensively in the following paragraphs. Chain stores obviously have a wider variety of items compared to small shops.
For instance
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, Costco chain store in Vancouver provides its customers with a diverse range of items, which have more affordable prices because these kinds of shopping centres offer some amount of discounts for their patrons.
Therefore
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, individuals prefer to choose their merchandise among a wider diversity of commodities
instead
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 of purchasing from a narrower range of items at a higher price that are available in a small store.
However
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,
this
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 development acted like a double-edged sword. The widespread establishment of large shopping stores can ruin the business of small markets in the area.
For example
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, there was a grocery store, a supermarket, and a clothing shop in my neighbourhood one year ago. But after the establishment of a modern and new strip mall called Shiraz Mall, all those local businesses closed because they lost their patrons.
Consequently
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, small business closures mean that those sellers can not support their families and make a living properly anymore.
To sum up
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, regarding the higher tendency of people for buying from large retail and chain stores
instead
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 of their own local markets, and whether
this
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 development is a positive or negative one, I contemplate that it depends on your viewpoint; for customers, it has been a positive development, yet owners of small markets have faced a detrimental phenomenon regarding their career based on the reasons mentioned above.

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task response
Make your view clear in the intro and end. Say if you think it is good or bad and keep to it.
coherence
Add more facts or touch to each point. Give more reasons and small proof.
language use
Use short and simple sentences. This helps flow and reduce mistakes.
grammar
Check small grammar: use cannot instead of can not, and keep tense steady.
content
Two sides are shown and a final view.
examples
Examples from real places help the reader to see the point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumer behavior
  • shop locally
  • convenience
  • variety
  • economic growth
  • job creation
  • community
  • personal touch
  • small businesses
  • local economy
  • big corporations
  • dependence
  • shopping habits
  • urbanization
  • globalization
  • competition
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