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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010
The bar chart represents the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of overweight
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and women in Australia over the
period
Use synonyms
 of 30 years from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
 men and women increased significantly over the
period
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of men who were overweight
higher
Verb problem
was higher
show examples
 than that of women over a 30-year
period
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to 2010. There was an increase
considerably
Rephrase
apply
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in overweight men from 40%
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1980 to 65% in 2000.
Specially
Rephrase
Specifically
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, the figure
overweight
Change preposition
for overweight
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 males hit the peak in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, there was
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decline
slowly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
overweigh
Use the right word
overweight
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man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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in
Change preposition
between
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 2000 and 2010. From any angle, the percentage of males who were
overweigt
Correct your spelling
overweight
 fell by 5%, with 65% and 60%, respectively. Throughout the
period
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 from 1980 to 2000, the
proportion
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females
Change preposition
of females
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 who were overweight in Australia went up steadily from over 30% to over 50%,
then
Linking Words
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 unchanged in the following year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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