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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010

The chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in Australia from 1980 to 2010
the
Fix capitalization
The
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 graph shows
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of overweight
australians
Correct your spelling
Australian
men and
women
Use synonyms
,during
period
Correct article usage
the period
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 of 30
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 from 1980 to 2010. It is clear from the graph that
thhe
Correct your spelling
the
 number of
overwiethg
Correct your spelling
overweight
 men was higher than the data for
women
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
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 the figures for
women
Use synonyms
 went up gradually over
Correct article usage
the periodfrom
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periodfrom
Correct your spelling
period from
 1980 to 2010. Males' data increased slightly from 40% to 65% units between 1980 to 2000
then
Linking Words
 went down over 10 follwing year.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 during the
preiod
Correct your spelling
period
 from 19980 to 2000,there was a steady rise in the figure of overweight
lady like
Check wording
ladies
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 from 31 to 53
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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Punctuation problem
. .then
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.
Correct your spelling
Then
then
Linking Words
 the
digit
Check wording
number
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 of
women
Use synonyms
 seems to
keep
Verb problem
remain
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unchagned
Correct your spelling
unchanged
 between 2000 and 2010 in
nummber
Correct your spelling
numbers
 over
a
Correct article usage
apply
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50 per cent

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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