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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that
money
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 is essential for everyone, including youth. Some think that saving
money
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 is paramount for all
people
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 for their future, including youngsters, and I firmly agree that saving
money
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 is vital for
people
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 to have a better life for their future.
Firstly
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, one of the major reasons for advocating saving
money
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 is the positive impact it could have on
people
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's mental and physical
health
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.
In other words
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, capital can solve many financial problems when
people
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 get into trouble with it.
For example
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,
people
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 who do not have
money
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 or did not save capital in their early life are unable to
support
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 their
health
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 problem if they get diseases, which in turn depression and affects their mental
health
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.
Similarly
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, for youth, if
people
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 get sick or have financial problems, they can solve the issue with
money
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.
Thus
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,
money
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 can help everyone's needs of physical and mental well-being.
Secondly
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, another reason why
money
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 is important for all ages is that it can
support
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 all the needs in our lives and provides a good and better relationship in the family and society. Parents can
support
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 their children's education only if they have enough
money
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, and without enough capital, it can impact to whole family.
For instance
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, many studies have shown that household problems are caused by not having enough financial
support
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, and
this
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 leads to divorce between partners.
Moreover
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, supporting or funding societies if we have
money
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, it can increase good relations in communities.
To conclude
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, saving capital is important for all ages to have a better future, and I strongly agree that it can provide positive impacts on not only our physical and mental
health
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 but
also
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 our relations in both family and community.

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structure
Use your own words more. Be simple and clear. Your plan is good, but make your two reasons rest in a neat, clear way.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors to aid reading. For example, 'depression and affects' should be 'depression and affect', and 'impact to the whole family' should be 'impact on the whole family'.
examples
Give a short, real example for each point to back up your idea. It helps the reader see your point.
stance
Clear line of view about saving money and the good effect it can have.
coherence devices
Good use of linking words such as Firstly, Secondly, To conclude.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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