In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Since industrial developments,
affecting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more
people
moving
Wrong verb form
have moved
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to cities
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
and
living
Wrong verb form
live
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.
By contrast
, rural areas have
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
population over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. From my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, it is a neutral trend for societies. Since its inception,
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
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playing
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
a role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
attracting more
people
to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
created prosperity in human society. Given historical evidence,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urbanization is beneficial to social
advencement
Correct your spelling
advancement
. When
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
people
migrate
Wrong verb form
migrated
show examples
from rural to urban areas during the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
in the 18th century, offering
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
labour force in factories.
Consequently
, it revitalized the British economy and boosted technical developments.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it is an
effcient
Correct your spelling
efficient
way to control societies and offer public service through urbanization, since big cities generally have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
comprehensive public service system,
equipements
Correct your spelling
equipment
and infrastructures, ensuring
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
live with more
stablities
Correct your spelling
stability
and convenience.
Therefore
, Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
urbanization is a trend in many countries, I would
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
about
this
Correct your spelling
photo
pheno
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
Submitted by Timothy on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure the introduction and conclusion are more developed and clear. While you present your perspective as neutral, it lacks depth due to the incomplete conclusion.
coherence
For better coherence, add a summary or conclusion at the end to wrap up your points. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and the essay maintains a clear, logical progression.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use more linking words or phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, ‘in addition’, ‘on the other hand’, or ‘as a result’.
task response
You have provided relevant examples, like the industrial revolution, to support your ideas.
task response
You have a good central idea presented clearly despite some laps in conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to logically discuss both positive aspects of urbanization.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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