IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that the
internet
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 has helped us to stay connected with each other easily. In my opinion,
while
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this
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 is one of the positive things the
internet
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 has brought, there is a negative side
of
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to
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 it because it encourages
people
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 to just stay online. I agree that keeping in touch with families, friends,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 strangers has never been easier without the
internet
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. Getting to know strangers, making new connections, and even networking with our business partner can be easily accessed by clicking, typing, and calling. By that, I mean the
internet
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 has been a big convenience to us. The lockdown of
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 pandemic is one of the illustrations of why the
internet
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 has become a necessity in daily life.
For example
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, the Zoom app is one of the ways to connect with others by meeting with voice and video calls that are used by schools, offices, and many more.
Along with
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 social media
users
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users,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 is increasing,
hence
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 why
people
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 are more attached
with
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to
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 the
internet
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.
However
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, that too is the exact reason why some
people
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 are too used to the
internet
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 and refuse to
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 in real life, sometimes isolating themself from
the
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apply
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other
people
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.
Additionally
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, we can see a lot of examples out there to make some statements like that. That can be avoided by educating
people
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 from childhood and
to discipline
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disciplining
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 ourselves to have a maximum screentime. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that the
internet
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 has brought us many conveniences in communicating, there are some disadvantages
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such
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, such
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 as influencing
people
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 to not
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 in real life.

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task
State your view clearly in the first sentence and keep it steady in the essay.
coherence
Give 2 or 3 main ideas, each in its own paragraph; start with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use a simple plan: intro, 1 paragraph on good points, 1 on bad points, conclusion that shows your view.
task
Add more real life examples and explain how they show your point.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
content
There is a mix of ideas about both sides.
content
A real example (Zoom during COVID) is used.
structure
Conclusion repeats your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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