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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, many people have chosen to have their first child at a later stage in life.
This
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 trend can be explained by several social and economic reasons.
Although
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 there are some disadvantages, I believe the advantages slightly outweigh them. One major reason why people delay parenthood is career development. Nowadays, both men and women prefer to focus on building a stable career before starting a family. They want to gain financial security, as raising a child requires considerable expenses for education, healthcare, and daily needs.
In addition
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, higher education has become more important, and many young adults spend longer years studying, which postpones the time when they feel ready to become
parents
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. Another factor is lifestyle choice, since some couples wish to enjoy personal freedom, travel, and life experiences before
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
 to raising
children
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.
However
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, having
children
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 later in life
also
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 has drawbacks. From a biological perspective, women who give birth at an older age may face health risks,
such
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 as complications during pregnancy or difficulty conceiving.
Similarly
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, older
parents
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 may lack the energy and patience required to take care of young
children
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.
Furthermore
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, a wider age gap between
parents
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 and
children
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 may lead to differences in interests and communication styles. There are clear benefits. Older
parents
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 are usually more emotionally mature and financially stable, which allows them to provide a secure environment for their
children
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. They are often better prepared for the responsibilities of parenthood and can offer their
children
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 more opportunities,
such
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 as quality education and comfortable living conditions.
In addition
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, waiting until later can help couples build stronger relationships before raising a family. In conclusion, there are health concerns associated with late parenthood
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the advantages of financial readiness and emotional maturity generally outweigh the disadvantages.

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content
Explain more how money and time affect when to have a child and give one or two clear examples.
coherence
Use simple link words to show flow, like first, also, but, for this reason.
language
Check small grammar and use common phrases so the read is easy.
structure
Make a clear overall point in both intro and conclusion.
content
The essay has a clear view and good overall form.
coherence
Reasons and effects are shown in clear paragraphs.
language
The writer shows balance by giving both pros and cons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • professional development
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • higher levels of education
  • societal shift
  • parenting age
  • developed countries
  • socially acceptable
  • medical advancements
  • fertility treatments
  • conceive at a later age
  • delayed parenthood
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