In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, people need to relocate from their hometowns to larger cities to secure a job.
This
relocation trend provides better opportunities to the unemployed and businesses. However
, it also
has negative effects on society, as it creates more disparities in terms of income among regions and the cost of relocation can be a heavy burden to the population. I personally believe that the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits.
Firstly
, when the workforce gathers in the cities, it is inevitable to have high competition in the labour market. Although
it is a good scenario for employers to identify excellent employees, it also
creates a difference in salary between the urban and rural areas. For example
, in Thailand, the minimum wage in Bangkok, Phuket or other industrialised provinces is around 400 baht per day, while
the workers in other areas still earn less than 350 baht per day. Consequently
, the difference affects the development in each province, the more the people receive, the faster the local economic growth. Therefore
, the development should be equally distributed in all regions.
Secondly
, Relocation and settling down in unfamiliar places cost job seekers a large sum of financial burden without support from families and friends, which slows down the stability of their lives. For instance
, people who relocated need to find a place to rent or buy. With the rise of housing prices and basic goods, the youngsters need to spend more proportion of their income towards basic needs, which results in less savings.
In conclusion, the trend of moving to find a job could lead to a larger disparity in economic development and a huge cost for the public, which has more negative effects on the
society.Correct article usage
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task achievement
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed and each idea is elaborated fully to improve clarity and detail in your discussion.
coherence & cohesion
Using a variety of linking words can enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay shows good coherence, varying your transition phrases could make your argumentation even stronger.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider including more diverse examples from different countries or contexts, offering a global perspective on the issue.
task achievement
Be mindful of maintaining a balanced discussion when addressing advantages and disadvantages. While your position is clear, briefly acknowledging counterarguments can provide a more rounded perspective.
task achievement
Your essay effectively presents a clear opinion, stating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which meets the task requirements.
coherence & cohesion
You've structured your essay logically, with a distinct introduction, development of your argument in the body, and a clear conclusion.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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