IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animal and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that too much attention and
resources
Use synonyms
 are given to the protection of wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and
birds
Use synonyms
. In
opinion
Correct pronoun usage
my opinion
show examples
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and the following examples will be provided in order to
support
Use synonyms
 my point of view. One of the most important reasons why some
people
Use synonyms
 believe spend too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
 for wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and
birds
Use synonyms
protection
Check wording
apply
show examples
is that nowadays, poor
people
Use synonyms
 may
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not earn money from the
government
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
 their lives, since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments are likely to concentrate
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protection
Replace the word
protecting
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and
birds
Use synonyms
 more than their
population
Correct word choice
own population
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 to latest research conducted by Bangkok University, it was revealed that 50
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who suffer from hunger tend to die because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of money. Another reason to
support
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 fact
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 the infrastructure
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not good enough to serve their population.
This
Linking Words
 is because some
government
Use synonyms
 spend their
resources
Use synonyms
 to protect
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 more than
Correct article usage
the convenient
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
lives
Check wording
apply
show examples
of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in recent news, it has been reported
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the authorities
already
Verb problem
have already
show examples
got
Verb problem
received
show examples
 many donations from
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 case demonstrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 and
birds
Use synonyms
 do not require any excess
support
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
already
Verb problem
have already
show examples
gave
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 it
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that wild animal and bird authorities already
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 a lot of attention and
resources
Use synonyms
 because poor
people
Use synonyms
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do not earn money from the
government
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
 their lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not give enough attention to the quality of
citizen living
Check wording
life of citizens
show examples
.

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improvement
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and keep it simple.
improvement
Use real and simple examples that fit the topic.
improvement
Check grammar and fix big mistakes to be easy to read.
improvement
Use linking words like also, but, for example to join ideas.
strength
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
structure
There is a beginning, a middle and an end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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