IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

The increasing ratio of illegal activities has become a pressing issue in many countries , especially among youth. On the one hand, I admit that whatever their age is, youngsters who commit unforgivable misconduct should be charged with adult penalties.
On the other hand
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 , I agree that there should be some concession for them.
To begin
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, the trend of misdeeds committed by youth influenced by digital series
such
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 as Narcos and mafias like Pablo Escobar is increasing.
Nevertheless
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, the majority believes that
such
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 individuals should be heavily charged in terms of suffering, no matter what their age is.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Pakistan showed that 75 per cent of people are in favour of severe torture, even if they are teenagers.
Furthermore
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, there must be some examples set for the upcoming youngsters to not get involved in
such
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 activities. Research showed that the probability of crime decreases by 89 per cent if there exist proper laws and penalties for teenagers.
On the contrary
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, opponents argue that there should be concessions for the immature in matters of punishment.
Additionally
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, many individuals commit
such
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 crimes without being aware of the outcomes
,
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apply
show examples
 they could face.
For example
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, one of my influencer friends. promoted gambling without studying its consequences, and got caught by the local authorities.
Furthermore
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, we should try to teach our valuable assets regarding the legal issues they can face by committing major evil and should charge them only with minimum punishments. In light of the above facts, in some parts of the world, the number of illegal activities conducted by the young generation is increasing.
However
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 , I admit that individuals committing major evil should get adult penalties, but I strongly agree that they should get only teenage punishment.

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planning
Be clear on your view. Pick one side and stay with it in your whole essay.
planning
Add a short plan in the intro. State the main idea in one line.
coherence
Use clear links to move from one idea to the next.
development
Give each point some detail and a real example.
evidence
Use facts or general truth, not long numbers or wild claims.
language
Check grammar and word form to be right.
structure
You try to discuss the issue from both sides.
content
Some examples are in the essay to back ideas.
coherence
There is a link to real life issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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