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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show what percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The chart above illustrates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 various nutrient
intake
Fix the agreement mistake
intakes
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and
sugar
Use synonyms
, on
everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
show examples
 basis, through
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 or
snacks
Use synonyms
. It can be seen
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that people get
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of saturated fat and
sugar
Use synonyms
 through
breakfast
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 16%,
whereas
Linking Words
,
sodium
Use synonyms
 content is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 meal
about
Punctuation problem
, about
show examples
 14%.
Lunch
Use synonyms
 offers
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fat
averaging
Punctuation problem
, averaging
show examples
 at 25% but is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 least favourable for
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is left at 19%.
Dinner
Use synonyms
 is the best way to fulfil
Use synonyms
sodium
Correct article usage
the sodium
show examples
 requirement
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 peaks at 43%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
fat
Correct article usage
the fat
show examples
 content is
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 less than
Use synonyms
sodium
Correct article usage
the sodium
show examples
 at 37%.
Sugar
Use synonyms
 is only available 23% in
dinner
Use synonyms
. Maximum
sugar
Use synonyms
 is available through
snacks
Use synonyms
 at 42%,
whereas
Linking Words
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 only left at 14% and 21% respectively.
Thus
Linking Words
, we can clearly see
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sodiun
Correct your spelling
sodium
 at 14%,
whereas
Linking Words
lunch
Use synonyms
providedes
Correct your spelling
provides
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of 29%, with maximum
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
dinner
Use synonyms
 at 43%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fat is least in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 at 16%,
whereas
Linking Words
 almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in
lunch
Use synonyms
 and
snacks
Use synonyms
 at 26% and 21%, and similar to
sodium
Use synonyms
, is
amximum
Correct your spelling
maximum
 in
dinner
Use synonyms
 of 37%. Apart from that,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is maximum in
snacks
Use synonyms
 at 43%, and is
amost
Correct your spelling
almost
 equal in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 at 18% and 19%.
However
Linking Words
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 is moderately sugary with 23%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, snacks, amount, breakfast, lunch, dinner with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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