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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

n today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Smartphones
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 have made
life
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 very easy as they provide various functions to connect with the world.
Therefore
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,
people
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 prefer to buy modern devices;
however
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, they have both benefits and limitations. I strongly believe that the advantages of advanced
phones
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 outweigh the drawbacks because they allow
people
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 to stay connected even across countries, and new updates have made
life
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 very convenient.
Although
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 there are limitations to advanced
phones
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, one major concern is that
people
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 have started overusing
this
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 technology. Many individuals spend their free
time
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 watching online videos or playing games
instead
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 of engaging in physical activities, which are necessary for improving
overall
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 well-being.
For instance
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, young
people
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 often spend hours scrolling through short videos, which reduces their motivation to exercise and affects their health. To address
this
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 issue, individuals should be encouraged to use
phones
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 responsibly rather than wasting their precious
time
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.
On the other hand
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, modern updates in
smartphones
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 have changed
people
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's lives significantly by strengthening relationships. These devices enable users to make video calls with their loved ones, which not only reduces loneliness but
also
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 strengthens family bonds, promoting a sense of belonging and satisfaction.
For example
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, without
smartphones
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, many would feel disconnected from the world, leading to increased stress and weaker relationships.
Therefore
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,
people
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 prefer to purchase new devices so that they feel attached to both their families and the wider community.
In addition
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, advanced
phones
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 are highly beneficial in professional
life
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 as they provide new ways to join meetings online.
This
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 is
also
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 very convenient internationally because leaders or professionals can plan and communicate instantly through
smartphones
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.
As a result
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, a great deal of
time
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 and money on travelling is saved, which can be invested in other important purposes.
Although
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smartphones
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 have some disadvantages, these can be managed through responsible use. Their advantages,
such
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 as saving
time
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, improving communication, and maintaining relationships, cannot be overlooked. Many users have found them easy to use, and they continue to make
life
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 more efficient in today’s busy world.

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coherence
The links between ideas can be stronger. Use clear topic sentences and words that connect ideas from one part to the next.
task
Give your view in a straight way in the opening and keep it in mind in each paragraph.
evidence
Add more clear examples, or simple facts to back up each idea.
style
Keep sentence short and use easy words so all can read well.
stance
The writer shows a clear view that advantages can outweigh drawbacks.
content
There are good examples like video calls and less travel that show points well.
structure
The essay has an opening, body parts, and a closing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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