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Writing Samples
Band 6

Most people today own a smart phone. Is this a positive or negative development?

With the widespread availability and low cost of
smartphones
Use synonyms
, most
people
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 are in possession of these devices.
While
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 there are certain negatives like addiction,
smartphones
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 can be of great help in our daily lives. With the rise of social media apps and the introduction of reels, phone addiction has become a huge problem, especially for young adults and teens.
This
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 is primarily
due to
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 the psychological manipulation that reels and short videos have on younger generations.
For example
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, statistics from the University of Freiburg show that the time teens spend in front of a screen
almost
Verb problem
has almost
show examples
 doubled since the introduction of reels.
In addition
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,
further
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 studies show that longer screen times are directly linked with a rise in depression.
Therefore
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,
smartphones
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 and their easy availability pose a great danger of addiction and depression, especially for young
people
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.
Although
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smartphones
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 are very addictive, they can help overcome dangerous situations by calling for an ambulance instantly in a case of emergency.
For instance
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, my nephew was playing outside with some friends the other day, and one of them fell from the play tower, resulting in a broken hand. With the use of a phone, he could call an ambulance to his location and inform his parents about the incident. Because of his phone, help arrived quickly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 his friend was taken to a hospital.
This
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 shows that phones can be very beneficial in situations where every minute counts and there is no one else around to help. In conclusion,
while
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 many
people
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 become addicted to
smartphones
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 and their apps, they are still necessary for emergency situations, and the more
people
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 are in possession of one, the easier it becomes to contact help.

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task
State your main view early in the essay and keep it there. In this topic, say if you think phones are more good or bad, and show this view in each part.
coherence
Make each paragraph about one main idea. Use simple links like and, but, so, then to show how ideas go together.
content
Use clear examples that fit the point you make. Short real life facts are fine.
grammar
Check your grammar and use the same idea in the same way in all paragraphs. Avoid too many new ideas in one paragraph.
task response
The essay shows a real effort to talk about both sides of the issue.
coherence
You give a real life example to help a point.
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