IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people thing that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. what are adventages or disadventages of children doing paid work

Some people think
children
Correct word order
that children
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
doing paid
work
Use synonyms
that
Correct word order
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is beneficial for them,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think it can be more harmful for them too. The advantages
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 can learn how to get
money
Use synonyms
.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the disadvantages children who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 paid
work
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still underage The advantages, children who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 paid
work
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be more mature because they know how
Correct word choice
hard it’s
show examples
it’s not easy
Verb problem
it is
show examples
 to earn
money
Use synonyms
. When they
go
Verb problem
get
show examples
 older,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 more easier for them because since
they’re
Verb problem
they were
show examples
 a
child
Use synonyms
, they learn so many things
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can learn how to manage
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 since
were they
Correct word order
they were
show examples
 still a
child
Use synonyms
, not buy not important stuff.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, in our
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 so many
Use synonyms
child
Wrong verb form
children are
show examples
 doing paid
work
Use synonyms
 because their parent
should
Verb problem
tell
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
do
Use the right word
to
show examples
. Just because
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 still a
child
Use synonyms
, they don’t know how
money
Use synonyms
should they
Correct word order
they should
show examples
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
, so they just
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 from their workplace.
However
Linking Words
 they get, they can be arrogant because they feel
know
Correct pronoun usage
they know
show examples
anything
Check wording
everything
show examples
 about a job, and don’t want
help
Verb problem
to help
show examples
 people without
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 any benefit from them. They
also
Linking Words
 skip studying because they
paid
Verb problem
have paid
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 obsessed with
money
Use synonyms
i
Punctuation problem
. I
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 want to
got
Use the right word
go
show examples
 to school. The conclusion is,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
child
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
doing paid
work
Use synonyms
 if they can do it
maxsimal
Correct your spelling
maximally
 and balance it with their study, it can really
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 them to learn a lot from their workplace and help them to
work
Use synonyms
 when
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
go
Verb problem
get
show examples
 older. The disadvantages
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 just because they
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
a
Check wording
children
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 and still underage to think

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structure
Plan what you want to say. Have a short plan before you write. State your view in the last part.
coherence
Use more linking words to tie ideas, like and, but, also, however, so.
grammar
Fix grammar and end form. Check verbs go with subjects and use the right tense.
content
The writer tries to talk about both sides.
content
Ideas are simple and easy to read.
structure
There is a short end that repeats the idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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