IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most people don’t care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There have been a lot of critical concerns recently. One of the most important ones is environmental problems. It has been said that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the population
refuse
Correct subject-verb agreement
refuses
show examples
 to pay attention to these concerns. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 to a large extent, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following. It can be seen that global warming has affected all aspects of our
lives
Use synonyms
, and we cannot deny that many
people
Use synonyms
 know their
lives
Use synonyms
 might be influenced
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, they prefer to stop the negative effects of climate change. They
use
Use synonyms
 different methods to protect the environment with the help of various activities, which are introduced by the governments. A lot of public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been provided for
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are persuaded to
use
Use synonyms
 them
instead
Linking Words
 of using their personal car to emit less
co2
Use the right word
CO2
show examples
 to the atmosphere. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they prevent air pollution and protect the environment.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are more aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation, which leads to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 biodiversity. In
this
Linking Words
 way, not only are all types of creatures in danger, but
this
Linking Words
 condition can
also
Linking Words
 impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human health.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they cooperate in planting trees to compensate the deforestation and preserve the natural creatures.
Similarly
Linking Words
, as there has been much bad news about decreasing natural resources, most
people
Use synonyms
 have been encouraged to manage their
lives
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 recent news.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 would rather
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recycle all the recyclable substances like papers, plastics, glass jars, and metal bottles.
Hence
Linking Words
, these products return to the factories to
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 again in different industries.
As a result
Linking Words
, factories’ raw materials are ready, and there is no need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of natural reserves.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 try not to waste
energies
Fix the agreement mistake
energy
show examples
 like water, electricity, and gas. Sometimes, they find alternative ways and bring renewable energy into their
lives
Use synonyms
 to cut down their consumption.
Consequently
Linking Words
, more ecological resources will remain for the next generation. Despite all the discussion, some
people
Use synonyms
 don’t consider
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 natural trend is related to human activities, and they don’t take positive action for that. But there are a lot of records which explain that human activities are closely linked to environmental issues, and we have to
Verb problem
take step
show examples
step
Wrong verb form
steps
show examples
 to mitigate the effects as
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many
people
Use synonyms
 do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 have
this
Linking Words
 perspective that we don’t need to participate in environmental projects,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the population make their effort to preserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
State a clear view in one line in the introduction and keep to it in the rest of the essay.
content
Use more specific examples or facts to back points, even simple ones.
language
Check grammar and style; use simple, correct sentences.
coherence
Work on linking ideas; use words like 'also', 'but', 'and' to show flow.
idea
The essay shows a direct view and a plan to discuss it.
coherence
There are parts that use linking words to connect ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: