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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on their studies. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The debate over the importance of studies or other
activities
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 for full-time college
students
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 has persisted in modern society. Some people believe full-time university
students
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 should focus on their major subject,
while
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 others think that they should be asked to take part in other
activities
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. I firmly disagree with those who claim that it is necessary for
students
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 to be involved in other
activities
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, and I will discuss reasons in the following essay. First of all, the main reason is
students
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’ responsibilities. Individuals who are determined as
students
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 must focus on their studies and become professionals.
For example
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, university
students
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 who major in chemistry should learn some professional knowledge and skills,
such
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 as organic chemistry, kinetics, and technical analysis. They
also
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 need to pass exams for credits, complete their degree, and get the diploma.
Therefore
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, I think that
students
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 have a responsibility to achieve high academic performance.
On the other hand
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, others claim that it is necessary for college
students
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 to be involved in other
activities
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. They believe
students
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 can learn some practical skills from other
activities
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.
For example
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, when
students
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 take part in a basketball team, they can learn how to cooperate with their teammates.
Moreover
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, some
students
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 might apply for an internship, and they can get some practical experience. Admittedly, it seems to bring a lot of benefits from other
activities
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. Yet, a lack of a stable theoretical foundation might cause exam failures. In conclusion, undergraduate
students
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 should put their studies on high priority rather than others. From my perspective, it is free for
students
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 to participate in other
activities
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they can look after their major.

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task response
State you view at once and keep it in every paragraph.
content
Give more full reasons and details for each point.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences in each paragraph and connect ideas with simple linking words.
coherence
Show how counter ideas do not change your view, and link them to your main claim.
structure
End with a short restatement of your view and the main reason.
stance
Clear view kept through most of the essay.
examples
Some good examples (chemistry topics, internship, team work).
cohesion
Good use of simple link words to show order.
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