IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays fashion is becoming more and more important to young people. Some people think this has negative impacts on young people and on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 day and age,
fashion
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 plays a vital role in society.
However
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, whether it brings positive or negative influences for the next generation has sparked spirited debate. Personally, I completely agree that the disadvantages prevail over the advantages. The first reason is that it can stimulate economic growth.
Fashion
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trends
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 make young
people
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 prone to impulse buying,
thus
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 generating substantial economic activity.
Additionally
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, it can increase opportunities for international cultural exchange. By purchasing goods from various countries, one can learn about local cultural characteristics.
For example
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, when young
people
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 buy Korean products, they gain insight into the latest cultural
trends
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 in Korea.
Finally
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,
trends
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 can
also
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 foster cross-disciplinary collaboration,
such
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 as the integration of art and technology.
On the other hand
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, the excessive pursuit of
trends
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 can lead to financial strain. To acquire the latest products, some resort to borrowing money or even theft.
This
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 creates social and economic burdens.
Additionally
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, producing
fashion
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 items often causes environmental stress. Continuously buying the latest items generates waste and pollution issues, which require solutions like promoting secondhand recycling.
Finally
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, chasing
fashion
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trends
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 often leads to excessive
comparison
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. Constantly measuring oneself against the latest styles and others can cause
people
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 to lose sight of their own identity.
Therefore
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, individuals should let go of excessive
comparison
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 and refocus on their authentic selves. The pursuit of
fashion
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 can lead to excessive
comparison
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. Constantly measuring oneself against the latest
trends
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 and others can cause
people
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 to gradually lose sight of their own identity.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should let go of excessive
comparison
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 and refocus on themselves. In conclusion, the current emphasis on rapid consumption and image does more harm than good, though the activity itself can be positive when practised responsibly.

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task response
Make your view clear in each paragraph. Do not mix many ideas at once. Use one main idea per paragraph and give one clear example.
coherence cohesion
Use a simple and clean order. Have a short intro, then body paragraphs with one idea each, and a short conclusion that repeats your view.
strength
Your overall view is stated in the intro.
strength
You use linking words such as 'On the other hand' and 'Finally' to show contrast.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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