Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of celebrations.
While
some people
believe that spending a lot of money
on holding many celebrations like wedding parties, birthday parties and any other special events are waste of money
, I would argue that parties are most important for any person and society. I will explain my reasons in this
essay.
There is no doubt that special events require a significant amount of money
to celebrate because this event
can happen only a few times in their Fix the agreement mistake
these events
life
. This
is because people
want to create lasting memories
of this
event. For example
, some wedding day can happen only once in a lifetime this
event can make people
want to celebrate for their happy and good memories
with their families and friends. As a result
, spending money
on special events can make valuable memories
in their life
.
However
, it is worth pointing out that many people
have to spend less money
on their personal party's celebration. This
is based on the fact that many people
around the world are suffering, and they can help this
situation by donating their money
. For instance
, a celebrity in Thailand her name is Sasipha Lertnopparat donates her money
on their birthday to people
who live in remote areas and do not have enough money
to spend on daily life
. This
means that If people
can spend some money
to help people
who are suffering that can increase the quality of people
’s life
. Consequently
, spending some money
on the celebration for charity is necessary.
In conclusion, we can observe that their kinds of celebration are beneficial for people
to share happiness and keep good memories
. Overall
, I firmly believe that it is the best way to charity for people
who really need help.Submitted by v.mahatkomol on
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Task Achievement
Work on making your argument more nuanced. While you provide clear viewpoints, introducing more complex ideas or counterarguments could enhance your response.
Task Achievement
To improve clarity, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations. Ensure these examples are directly related to your argument.
Coherence Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence Cohesion
Consider revising sentences that may be too long or complex. Simpler sentences can sometimes be more effective in conveying your message clearly.
Introduction Conclusion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively written, providing a clear overview of your stance.
Supported Main Points
Good use of specific examples to support your main points in the discussion.