Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #birthday #parties #celebration #waste #individuals #society

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There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of celebrations.

While

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some

people

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believe that spending a lot of

money

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on holding many celebrations like wedding parties, birthday parties and any other special events are waste of

money

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, I would argue that parties are most important for any person and society. I will explain my reasons in

this

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essay. There is no doubt that special events require a significant amount of

money

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to celebrate because

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this event

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these events

show examples

can happen only a few times in their

life

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This

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is because

people

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want to create lasting

memories

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this

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event.

For example

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, some wedding day can happen only once in a lifetime

this

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event can make

people

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want to celebrate for their happy and good

memories

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with their families and friends.

As a result

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, spending

money

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on special events can make valuable

memories

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in their

life

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However

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, it is worth pointing out that many

people

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have to spend less

money

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on their personal party's celebration.

This

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is based on the fact that many

people

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around the world are suffering, and they can help

this

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situation by donating their

money

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For instance

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, a celebrity in Thailand her name is Sasipha Lertnopparat donates her

money

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on their birthday to

people

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who live in remote areas and do not have enough

money

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to spend on daily

life

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This

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means that If

people

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can spend some

money

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to help

people

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who are suffering that can increase the quality of

people

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’s

life

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Consequently

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, spending some

money

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on the celebration for charity is necessary. In conclusion, we can observe that their kinds of celebration are beneficial for

people

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to share happiness and keep good

memories

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Overall

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, I firmly believe that it is the best way to charity for

people

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who really need help.

Submitted by v.mahatkomol on Mon Apr 22 2024

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Task Achievement

Work on making your argument more nuanced. While you provide clear viewpoints, introducing more complex ideas or counterarguments could enhance your response.

Task Achievement

To improve clarity, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations. Ensure these examples are directly related to your argument.

Coherence Cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.

Coherence Cohesion

Consider revising sentences that may be too long or complex. Simpler sentences can sometimes be more effective in conveying your message clearly.

Introduction Conclusion

Introduction and conclusion are effectively written, providing a clear overview of your stance.

Supported Main Points

Good use of specific examples to support your main points in the discussion.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In modern era, it is easy to sell, buy and work with other people through internet. But others against it. Do you think this is positive trend or negative trend.

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is convenient, it has many negative effects and its use for educational purposes should be restricted. How far do you agree with this statement?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?