The government should spend more money on promoting a healthy lifestyle on treating illnesses. Do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, many
people
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believe that
governments
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should invest more in encouraging a healthy lifestyle rather than spending huge amounts of money on treating diseases. I completely agree with
this
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idea because
prevention
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is more effective and economical in the long term. First of all, promoting healthy habits helps to reduce the
overall
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number of illnesses.
For instance
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, if
governments
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organize
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organise
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public campaigns about the importance of a balanced diet, regular exercise, and avoiding smoking, citizens are more likely to stay healthy. Schools could
also
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include more physical education and nutrition lessons, which would teach children to take care of their
health
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from an early age.
As a result
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, fewer
people
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would develop serious conditions
such
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as obesity, heart disease, or diabetes.
Secondly
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, focusing on
prevention
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is more cost-effective than medical treatment. Treating illnesses often requires expensive equipment, medicines, and hospital care, which puts a heavy burden on the national budget.
In contrast
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, preventive programs —
such
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as vaccination, fitness
centers
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centres
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, or free
health
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check-ups — are relatively inexpensive and bring long-term benefits.
For example
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, a single
health
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campaign encouraging
people
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to walk more can significantly reduce the number of patients with heart problems.
However
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, it is
also
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true that some funds must still be allocated to treat those who are already sick. No matter how effective
prevention
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programs are, certain diseases cannot be avoided.
Therefore
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,
governments
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should find a balance between healthcare and
prevention
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, though the main priority should be promoting a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
governments
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should focus more on encouraging
people
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to live healthily rather than spending the majority of resources on medical treatment.
This
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approach not only improves public
health
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but
also
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saves money and creates a happier society.

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task response
You argue clearly for your view. Add one more exact example with numbers to show impact.
coherence
Your ideas are well ordered. Use more linking words to join ideas so the flow stays smooth.
coherence
The intro and conclusion are clear. Restate your view in a short line at the end to finish well.
language use
Make some lines a bit shorter and use simple words. This helps keep the reader with you.
strength
Clear stance and strong reasons
structure
Good structure with intro, body, and conclusion
content
Relevant examples about health and cost
coherence
Logical flow from prevention to costs to balance

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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