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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about rail transport in four countries.

The table below gives information about rail transport in four countries.
The table shows information about the
railway
Use synonyms
 transportation usage in four
countries
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, China has the highest
number
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 of people using rail transport and the longest distance per
head
Use synonyms
 of population.
However
Linking Words
, Canada experiences the highest
amount
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 of cargo carried by
railway
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. In China, the
number
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 of people who use the
railway
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 is 27 million, which is the highest among the four
countries
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, passenger
kilometres
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 per
head
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 of population are 1980
kilometres
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, and it is nearly three times
of
Correct determiner usage
that of
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of passengers using rail transport
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 5.9 and 5.5 million in
Malaysia
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 and
Use synonyms
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
amount
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 of carried cargo is 22.2 billion tons in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, and it is slightly higher than that in
Use synonyms
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the
kilometres
Use synonyms
 per
head
Use synonyms
 of residents are 770
kilometres
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, and it is a bit lower than in
Use synonyms
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
. Canada has the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of people using
Use synonyms
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just under
a half
Correct word order
half a
show examples
 million.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
kilometres
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per
head
Use synonyms
 of population is the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 with 80
kilometres
Use synonyms
 among the four
countries
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
amount
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 of cargo carried is 28.20 billion tons, and it is the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 within the given
countries
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, countries, number, head, amount, kilometres, malaysia, uae with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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