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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
The graph illustrates the
leusire activitivites
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leisure activities
 of older people in the United
Sates
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States
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betweeb
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between
 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
activites
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activities
 in reading, hiking, watching TV, and surfing the
interneted
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internet
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 shown an increase, except for
teather
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theatre
. In
Correct article usage
the 1980's
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1980's
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1980s
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, 60% elderly people loved spending time
on
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apply
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watching tvand it was the highest level. The trend kept gradually rising, reaching
at
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a
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 peak at just 70% in
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the 2000's
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2000's
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2000s
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, before dropping
slighlty
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slightly
 to around 65%
at the end
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 of the period. In
contrats
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contrast
, 20% of
this
Linking Words
 group started hiking , which was the second lowest among others. It rose dramatically, peaking at 80%, which made it the biggest rate, surpassing that of reading.
Theather's
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Theatre's
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 proportion was the second top at the beginning, at 50%, which was 20% higher than that of reading. Noticeably, it experienced a slight decline by 5%,
at
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to
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 45%, before having
fluctuation
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a fluctuation
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 and it
the
Verb problem
was the
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 lowest number recorded in
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the 2010's
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2010's
Check wording
2010s
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.
Conversely
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, reading
continuallys
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continually
 showed a dramatic incline by 30% in the
last
Linking Words
 period , exceeding that of theather , at 60%, making it the top three. Starting at the lowest number at just around 5% in the first year, surfing's rate
moderatelly
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moderately
inclined
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increased
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 to around 15% in
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the 2000's
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2000's
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2000s
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. From
this
Linking Words
 year onwards, it
contiually
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continuously
 climbed by approximately 15%,
at
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to
show examples
 50%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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