IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts compare the average amount of money family spent in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The pie charts compare the average amount of money family spent in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
The given couple of pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
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 provide household fees divided into six
Use synonyms
sorts
Check wording
categories
show examples
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 by 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that expenditures on housing and
food
Use synonyms
 established
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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dominant cohorts in both
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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, meanwhile other goods and services placed between them.Other
fees
Check wording
household fees
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 of household
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
transport
Punctuation problem
transport,
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 constituted the smallest proportion among the given nations. In detail,
Japan
Use synonyms
 found
in
Change preposition
apply
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the highest indication on
section-other
Use the right word
other
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 goods and services by 29%
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
moreover,
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food
Use synonyms
 was the famous choice, taking second rank with 24% among the population in
Japan
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
transport
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 employed at almost identical rates with money
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent on housing by 20%.Compared with all
sorts
Use synonyms
 of outgoings
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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healthcare
Punctuation problem
healthcare,
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 placed in the lowest
constitution
Check wording
category
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,demonstrating just 6%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it was found that
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 on housing
observed
Verb problem
accounted
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as
Change preposition
for
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 the lion’s share in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Malaysia
Use synonyms
, displaying 34%.In terms of household fees
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
Use synonyms
food
Punctuation problem
food,
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 followed the second rank among other
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 sectors with 27%.Compared with these
sorts
Use synonyms
,Malaysians faced with downward
proportion
Check wording
trend
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 in healthcare and
transport
Use synonyms
 by 3% and 10% in 2010. In conclusion,
sorts
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as housing,
food
Use synonyms
, other goods and services were
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 contribution
among
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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.Notably,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
depicted
Verb problem
is depicted
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 about ten percentage points lower than
Japan
Use synonyms
 in terms of
transport
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.It is
notably
Replace the word
notable
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 that
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 maintained almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 parity in section-healthcare.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sorts, japan, malaysia, food, transport with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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