IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
money
Use synonyms
 is the highest priority when choosing a career. Others believe that other factors are just as important,
such
Linking Words
 as personal fulfilment, intellectual stimulation and work-life balance. I believe that work should offer a mixture of both financial and other benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 prioritise financial rewards are as follows:
People
Use synonyms
 who grew up in poverty tend to seek financial security as their main motive for choosing a job.
For example
Linking Words
, there are stories about kids who grew up in problematic neighbourhoods in East London
looked
Correct pronoun usage
who looked
show examples
 for jobs primarily for financial reward. Another reason is consumerism. Today's society encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to buy commodities as a way of purchasing happiness.
For instance
Linking Words
, owning a home, buying a car, and going on holiday are portrayed as top goals for
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve ultimate satisfaction in life.
In contrast
Linking Words
, non-financial factors in choosing employment may include the following: Job satisfaction, Intellectual stimulation is more valuable to some
people
Use synonyms
 than
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a medical doctor might work with low income and long working hours.
However
Linking Words
, the satisfaction that some get from helping
people
Use synonyms
 and the thrill of the hospital environment can be the reasons for choosing
this
Linking Words
 pathway. In conclusion, I do not agree that
money
Use synonyms
 is the main factor that should be considered when choosing a career. I believe that the points mentioned above should have as much significance in a person's choice of a workplace.
Money
Use synonyms
 can't buy happiness, but for some
people
Use synonyms
 it's a first step towards a brighter future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in today's society, work-life balance is a buzzword that aims to promote
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. When choosing a career, I advise considering all factors, a fair salary and an interesting job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

tip
State your view clearly in the opening line and keep it steady through the essay.
strengthening
Give more strong, specific examples to back each point.
structure
Use linking words to connect ideas between and inside paragraphs.
language
Check grammar and use short, simple sentences to avoid mistakes.
content
Clear overall stance against money as the only factor.
content
Good reasons given for both sides.
structure
Reasonable organization with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: