IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that students should spend a short period of time working during their studies in order to understand the world better and develop essential skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that schools should add working as a subject for children because they do not understand the world of work and how money is made. I disagree with
this
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 statement
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, adding subjects that show teens how working a real job is in the real world would be a bad idea. Students already have a lot of stress and pressure on their backs because of lots and lots of homework, complicated tests throughout the year, struggling
at
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in
show examples
 some lessons and many more reasons. Even though a lot of students start to lose motivation and interest in school, they still do everything they are asked to do
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with difficulty. Adding a workspace is going to absolutely crush the mentality and motivation they had left.
However
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, implementing classes that teach them how to manage their finances, time management, what
are taxes
Correct word order
taxes are
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, and bills would be far more important for their future careers. These classes would actually prepare them for adult life, helping them to understand how to save money, spend wisely, and plan for the future. It would
also
Linking Words
 help them learn how to be responsible with their time and set priorities.
Instead
Linking Words
 of learning how to work like adults, students should learn how to prepare themselves to become independent and confident people.
To conclude
Linking Words
, schools should focus on teaching practical life skills that will be useful in real situations, not on forcing teenagers to experience job stress too early.
This
Linking Words
 would make education more meaningful and connected to the real world.

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task response
Your view is clear, but add more depth. Explain why life skills are best, and show a counterargument and why your idea is better.
task response
Give real examples of life skills and how schools can teach them. Mention how these lessons fit with what is already taught.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use more linking words to show how each point is tied to the main idea. Start each paragraph with a tight topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make paragraphs longer with one main idea each. End with a strong line that restates your view.
strength
Clear stance against the idea and a path to focus on life skills.
strength
Logical flow from problem to solution with signposts like 'Firstly', 'However', 'To conclude'.
strength
Gives practical aims (finances, time management) and shows value for future life.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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