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Writing Samples
Band 7

Long distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses for many years and pollutes the air. Some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourists travel, rather than limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the era of globalization, both are essential for
people
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air
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travel
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 and road
travel
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.
However
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, some individuals believe that unimportant
travel
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,
such
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 as tourist
travel
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, should be banned
instead
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 of limiting the use of
cars
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 on roads. In my opinion,
air
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travel
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 is necessary these days because it helps to make strong connections between countries and grow the world at an alarming rate. On the one hand, there are myriad reasons that
air
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travel
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 should continue the same way it is working.
Firstly
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, tourism is vital for every nation as many
people
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 receive a chance to know about the world, and most significantly, the tourism sector contributes a large amount of growth to countries’ economies. In detail, it provides seasonal employment to many destitute
people
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 and helps them earn a decent amount of money for their livelihood.
For example
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, countries like India, Thailand, and Singapore earn overwhelming money through the tourism sector.
On the other hand
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, it is far simpler and easy to manage
cars
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 on roads. Governments can implement various rules or can use strategies to make
people
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 shift to public transport or electric
cars
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. Cheaper fares of buses and no taxes on purchasing electric
cars
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 can help take down the
air
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 pollution level of the world.
Moreover
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, running campaigns to educate individuals can be an excellent idea to reduce carbon emissions.
To conclude
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, I firmly assert that diverting
people
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 towards public transport can help to solve
this
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 problem up to some
extend
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extent
show examples
 rather than reducing the frequency of the flights. Some possible aforementioned measures can assist in mitigating the rising problem.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to improve logical structure.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include a more nuanced conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion more emphatically.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your arguments about the importance of tourism and the benefits of public transportation.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a clear opinion and an understanding of the topic, which is essential for IELTS.
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