IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Due to
Linking Words
 technology and
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 are giving more preference to travelling in today's time as compared to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
. The reasons behind more travelling and what's benefits,
people
Use synonyms
 will get it from will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for more travelling is the high income, as in nuclear families
both
Punctuation problem
, both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents are working and they are earning more money. That's why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they are not only using
this
Linking Words
 money to travel to different
countries
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 able to afford expensive things in today's time.
For example
Linking Words
:
- Husband
Use the right word
the husband
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using
Wrong verb form
uses
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 their income for entertainment purposes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their wife uses that money to fill their household bills. Another reason is the
show
Use synonyms
 off. Whenever
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 individuals go to other
countries
Use synonyms
, first of all, they
uploads
Correct subject-verb agreement
upload
show examples
 their trip pictures on various online platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Snapchat, Instagram and
Whatsapp
Use the right word
WhatsApp
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they try to
show
Use synonyms
 their wealth to other
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
:- One of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 went to Australia on
visitor
Correct article usage
a visitor
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 visa for a month,
then
Linking Words
 he
puts
Wrong verb form
put
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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all
photographs
Correct pronoun usage
his photographs
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various groups to
show
Use synonyms
 that they are exploring a foreign
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, there are various benefits associated with exploring different
countries
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will come to know about different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and traditions.
Due to
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travel
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
 to
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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countries
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 meet various communities and in
this
Linking Words
 way, they will come to know about their languages and way of life as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
,by going to other nations,
people
Use synonyms
 would
also
Linking Words
 be able to know about
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 of that particular place.
Hence
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, they can expand their
overall
Linking Words
 knowledge
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 exploring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
countries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the trend of going to other nations is increasing day by day owing to more income into families and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to
show
Use synonyms
 their wealth among
friend
Correct pronoun usage
their friend
show examples
 circle,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend
also
Linking Words
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 valuable experience to individuals in terms of knowing their customs and traditions.

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task response
Make a clear plan in the first paragraph. Say what you will talk about and in what order.
content development
Add more detail to each point. Do not use many short or weak statements.
coherence
Use simple linking words to join ideas, like also, but, for example, and in addition.
grammar
Work on grammar and word form. Check plural and use of 'there is/are'.
examples
Give examples that fit. Use facts you know or common ideas.
content
The essay keeps to the topic and tries to discuss both reasons and good points.
structure
It has an intro and a conclusion that match the task.
examples
Some real life examples are used.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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