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Writing Samples
Band 7

Being a celebrity-such as famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or more problems?

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At the current time, being famous can alter one's life considerably and help to achieve success, undoubtedly. Despite that, becoming a well-known person
such
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 as a blogger or a sportsman has its own disadvantages
as well as
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 benefits. Becoming a successful and famous person can be both dangerous and rewarding.
Firstly
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, it can lead to a fulfilling feeling that
people
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's parents and relatives always respect them because of what they achieved.
In addition
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, they are always invited to parties and weddings by rich
people
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 in order to make the event more interesting and exciting. Unfortunately, it means that celebrities cannot live their lives as they want because
fans
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 always try to take photos with them and disturb them
while
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 they enjoy life.
For example
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, in Uzbekistan, in 2024, a well-known boxer called Bakhodir Jalolov had to leave the restaurant where he was eating with his family members
due to
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 his
fans
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.
This
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 is because he disagreed when the
fans
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 tried to take photos with him.
However
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, being famous can
also
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 be positive for some reasons.
First,
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popular
people
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such
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 as bloggers can be respected by anyone in their local country.
This
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 is because lots of
fans
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 try to copy their character and behaviour to become successful and rich. So, it could be positive for famous individuals as they can satisfy their lives by seeing a great deal of
people
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 following them.
For example
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, in 2020, a famous tiktoker called Jake Kevin
,
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apply
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 got rid of depression because his followers encouraged him to do so by writing motivational stories on Instagram. In conclusion, being a celebrity has both advantages and drawbacks. Only those who can handle
this
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 can always be happy and feel motivated about their lives.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction that clearly outlines your stance on whether benefits outweigh problems or vice versa. This will clarify your position for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, try to balance the advantages and disadvantages more evenly. Consider dedicating one paragraph to each main viewpoint and then concluding with your overall opinion.
task achievement
Be cautious with generalizations and ensure that specific examples are elaborated; for instance, when mentioning Bakhodir Jalolov's experience, briefly explain how this relates to your argument about the disadvantages of fame.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids the reader in following your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from personal experiences and well-known figures, which enriches your arguments and makes them relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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