IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows current health expenditure totals as percentages of GDP* for various European countries for the years 2002, 2007 and 2012.

The bar chart below shows current health expenditure totals as percentages of GDP* for various European countries for the years 2002, 2007 and 2012.
The given bar chart illustrates
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
 (GDP) of maintaining health expenditure for different European countries for the
years
Use synonyms
 2002, 2007 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, except
France
Change preposition
for France
show examples
 and the Netherlands,
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 on healthcare
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not dramatically
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 over the given
years
Use synonyms
. Countries' expenses were quite
differ
Replace the word
different
show examples
 from each other. Belgium, Estonia,Spain and Switzerland's percentages stayed unchanged for the given
years
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, Estonia had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 ratios ( between the percentages 2-4) for all of the
years
Use synonyms
, and Switzerland's proportions were the highest expenditure rates( just above 10%). Denmark, Lithuania, Norway, Poland and Slovenia's rates were only higher in the year 2012.
By contrast
Linking Words
, European health expenditures in Luxembourg were only lower in 2012 ( 8% in the
years
Use synonyms
 2007 and 2002, but just above 8% in 2012). France and the Netherlands' expenses on health care differed over the
years
Use synonyms
. Especially,
expense
Correct article usage
the expense
show examples
 percentage was 10% in the Netherlands in 2002,
then
Linking Words
 it gradually fell to 8% in 2012. France had started
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10% in 2002, and increased
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 below 12% in 2007
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 after that
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 decreased to above 8% in 2012.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health expenditure
  • Percentage of GDP
  • Trend analysis
  • Economic prosperity
  • Health outcomes
  • Quality of healthcare
  • Allocation of resources
  • Healthcare services
  • Political, social, and economic factors
  • International organizations
  • Government policies
  • Predictive trends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: