IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activites. Does this situation have more advantage or more disadvantages?

It is widely observed that people who
work
Use synonyms
 longer than regular office
hours
Use synonyms
 tend to have less free time for leisure.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 practice can be highly beneficial for their finances, it may
also
Linking Words
 present certain drawbacks. In my opinion, the advantages of working long
hours
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages. One major advantage of working long
hours
Use synonyms
 is the opportunity to earn a higher income. Almost all companies provide additional salary or bonus for overtime.
Similarly
Linking Words
, when workers are paid hourly, they earn more money for every extra hour they
work
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, staff members who frequently
work
Use synonyms
 overtime tend to achieve better financial well-being than those who lack the determination to put in extra effort .
In addition
Linking Words
, spending longer
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 increases the opportunity to learn new things and develop new skills. In some cases, being involved in challenging projects encourages employees to step out of their comfort zones and gain new experiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, putting in extra
hours
Use synonyms
 may lead to increased stress.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because people focus more on demanding tasks and lack time for recreational activities.
However
Linking Words
, relaxation plays a central role in maintaining one’s mental well-being. Research on office workers has shown that 30% of them experienced anxiety
as a result
Linking Words
 of continuing their
work
Use synonyms
 at home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working around the clock may increase the risks of health problems, including back pain and eye strain. In conclusion, spending longer
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 poses potential risks to mental and physical health.
However
Linking Words
, the advantages, particularly attaining greater financial stability and broadening one’s knowledge, clearly outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be sure your view is clear in the first lines and end with a short sentence that repeats it.
coherence
Give one main idea in each paragraph and start with a short topic sentence.
lexical resource
Use more simple words and shorter, clean sentences to aid the flow.
grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes and spell common words right (for example 'activites' should be 'activities').
task response
Clear stance about the topic.
coherence
Good use of connecting words like 'One major advantage' and 'On the other hand'.
task response
Reason shows in both sides and a conclusion that links to the view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: