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Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people are committing more crimes. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem

Nowadays,the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed by young individuals has been rising in many societies .The main cause of
this
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 problem is the lack of parental guidance, and the most effective way to tackle
this
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 issue is
strengthening
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by strengthening
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 family support and improving the educational environment.
This
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 worrying trend can be mainly attributed to a few significant reasons. One of the primary reasons is the absence of parental supervision.
This
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 stems from the fact that many teenagers are brought up in families where parents are either too busy with work or separated, leaving children without proper supervision.
Consequently
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,youngsters often feel neglected and may engage in illegal activities that endanger their lives
,
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apply
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in order to gain attention .
Furthermore
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, peer pressure
also
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 plays a vital role .When teenagers are surrounded by friends involved in criminal behaviour , they are more likely to imitate them in order to feel accepted.
Therefore
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 , both weak family support and negative social impacts are
a
Correct article usage
apply
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key causes of youth crime. There are various steps that can be taken to reduce
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed by young people. One effective measure is to strengthen family support and parental involvement. In order to address
this
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 issue, governments need to organise workshops that teach parents how to communicate and spend quality time with their children, which would help prevent feelings of neglect.
Moreover
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, enhancing the education system could
also
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 make a difference.Schools should provide moral and social education so that students learn about respect
,
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 and the consequences of illegal behaviour.
Therefore
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, by promoting family relationships and offering better educational programs,society can significantly reduce
crimes
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 committed by young people. In conclusion,the rise in
crimes
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 committed by teenagers mainly results from the lack of parental supervision and negative social environmentsHowever,with greater government investment in fostering stable home environments and promoting comprehensive education reforms ,
this
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 global issue can be greatly alleviated in the future.

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task response
Task response: You answer the task and give a plan. To raise the score, give more strong reasons for the causes and more clear steps to fix. Keep a clear plan in each paragraph and end with a line that links back to the task.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear idea. Use short, easy sentences and simple link words like and, but, also, then. Check that spaces around commas are correct and use punctuation well. Group ideas in four parts: intro, causes, fixes, and end.
task response
The text shows a clear view on the problem and a plan to fix it.
coherence cohesion
Link words such as Moreover and Therefore help the flow of ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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