IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart provides data on the number of biths given per woman in 6 Gulf countries in 2 seperate years 1990 and 2000.

The bar chart provides data on the number of biths given per woman in 6 Gulf countries in 2 seperate years 1990 and 2000.
The illustrated figure displays data about how many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
births
given
Verb problem
were given
show examples
 per female in 6 Gulf states in 2
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
1990
Punctuation problem
, 1990
show examples
 and 2000. The results are counted in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the most noticeable increase in both years was in the
rate
Use synonyms
 regarding Oman, which clearly outnumbered all the other countries by a substantial margin.
However
Linking Words
, Bahrain remained the lowest throughout 1990 and 2000
showing
Punctuation problem
, showing
show examples
 only a slight change. In detail, in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
Oman
Check wording
Oman's
show examples
 fertility
rate
Use synonyms
 reached 7,
while
Linking Words
 in 2000 it was approximately 5.5.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 Saudi Arabia had been the second highest country in 1990, and it was almost 6.5.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Qatar
Check wording
Qatar's
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 in 1990 was about 4.3, whilst in 2000 it decreased sharply to 3.5, and in 1990 the same goes for
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 after a decade it went down to about 2.9. Interestingly, in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
 Kuwait and Bahrain had similar statistics
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 approximately 3.5.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 it had slightly decreased to 2.5. Meanwhile, in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 Oman and Saudi Arabia
also
Linking Words
 had the same
rate
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was almost 5.5.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • fertility rate
  • Gulf countries
  • economic development
  • social policies
  • healthcare improvements
  • population growth
  • decade
  • significant change
  • trend analysis
  • implications
  • variation
  • consistency
  • population dynamics
  • demographic changes
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